The Kids

I try to keep my job out of this blog, but I spend nearly all my waking hours at the office. I love my job.

Anyway, today’s rant is as follows: if you’re going to be a piece of shit, keep it away from your kids.

Sounds simple enough, yes?

Here’s the thing. While I fully acknowledge that most of my day is spent with low-life criminals, for the most part they aren’t actually bad people. Most are just regular people in a bad situation, making bad decisions, hoping to get out of their predicament. Yesterday I helped a homeless schizophrenic by allowing the public defender to continue helping him find housing, and by sending his case up to the mental health court. Today I had an Army Vet who confessed to having a drinking problem. Instead of throwing the book at him I said if he brought in proof he was seeking help I would drop his charges. See? I can be nice.

I can, of course, also be not nice. Very not nice. Frequently you can hear me from across the office quote Jim Carrey from “Liar, Liar:” STOP BREAKING THE LAW! Usually also followed (or preceded) with sighs, grunts, growls, and various fun cuss words.

The other day I had a woman who had a charge for less than an ounce of pot. In and of itself, no biggie, usually a fine if you’re not a habitual violator or the not-so-friendly neighborhood drug dealer. However, I noticed she was caught with her pot during the “lawful execution of a search warrant.” Now, that means she wasn’t pulled over speeding and confessed to a roach in the glove box. The cops came to her house, knowing full good and well there were drugs inside, and executed a warrant. Likely a no-knock felony search warrant.

And of course the cops found all they were looking for and then some, as far as I could tell: ecstasy, pot, meth, heroine, crack cocaine. Basically we had 2 felons trafficking in drugs of all kinds. Then my lady defendant was there. Oh, and so were a 14 year old boy and an 8 month old boy. You can use your imagination about the potential perils of running a drug cartel out of a house with a 14 year old boy and a baby. Like I said at the beginning, you want to be a piece of shit, don’t do it front of your kids.

But wait there’s more!

I had two women come in as co-defendants in a fighting case. They waltzed in saying they didn’t want to press charges on each other. I’m like that’s nice, I don’t care. I pull their records, and wouldn’t you know it? They’ve both been in multiple fights before. I pull the police report on this particular fight and there are 8 year old children involved. One kid picks up a stick and hits one of the fighters in the face. Where would a child learn such a behavior? The 911 call said one of the participants in the rumble had a gun. They were not arrested, only given citations and then they walked home together from the precinct.

A gun and a street fight with injuries involving and in front of kids.

If you want to be an asshole, don’t do it in front of kids.

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