Platitudes aka useless condescending advice

  1. a remark or statement, especially one with a moral content, that has been used too often to be interesting or thoughtful.
    A platitude is a trite, meaningless, or prosaic statement, generally directed at quelling social, emotional, or cognitive unease.

“They always say, ‘Everything happens for a reason.’ As lame as that sounds, I guess it’s better to hear it out loud. Because when you hear it in your own head, it sounds like, ‘Anything can happen with a razor.” – Laura Kightlinger

We all do it. Stupid people do it because they believe it to be true, smart people say them because there is sometimes just a loss for words and society requires polite small talk but if you can start a sentence with “Buck up, lil camper” and finish the sentence with one of these you’re issuing a platitude. And most of us hate that.

My brother in law particularly hates “It is what it is.” His response is always, “What else would it be?!” Touche.

If good things come to those who wait, why do we reward ambition? I get told this most often when I’m busy kicking ass and taking names and something prevents my ambition train from moving forward. I don’t want to wait and your dumbass shouldn’t stop me from doing what I do best: kicking ass.

Time does NOT heal all wounds. Anyone who has experienced a real, actual, painful loss (and/or the loss of a limb) knows that’s complete and utter bullshit. The only thing time does to a wound is force you to work around it. “Oh right, can’t do that anymore because I lost my left arm/child/best friend.”

That which does not kill me will only make me stronger. I don’t feel any stronger from having the chicken pox. I highly doubt I will come to a serious problem in my life and think, “Well, I got through chicken pox, I can overcome this crushing problem!” And great, now I’m immune but now I’m also at risk for Shingles.

If hard work truly paid off there would be a world of people richer than most of us from having to work their asses off just to keep their families alive in the third world. I believe there’s a saying that goes something like, “If hard work equaled success every woman in Africa would be a millionaire.”

My former roommate Kevin always hated the phrase “Money can’t buy happiness.” He always joked that was a lesson he would like to learn the hard way, or on his own. I’m undecided if that’s true (maybe because I have no money) but here are my thoughts on the matter: (1) it’s only used to cheer someone up who is broke and it never works. No one has ever told a sad sack that money can’t buy happiness to have the other person instantly buck up and go “Hey, there- you’re right!” The truth of the matter is that he who controls the purse strings controls the world. (2) you can pay someone to pretend to love you and give you good times and fond memories. Everyone has their price, like it or not. So while it may not be true love and feigned happiness- will you really care? (3) Money affords you the opportunity to find your true happiness. You will have leisure time to pursue your passions and interests, to travel and meet all kinds of people. Being able to do what you want when you want sounds like happiness to me and the only way to do that is with money.

What’s done is done. First, to badly paraphrase my brother in law: duh. What else would it be? What’s done is still to come? What’s done is still half way there? Is this supposed to imply that because whatever incident occurred is in the past I am not allowed to have thoughts and feelings on it? I get not dwelling on the past and not carrying grudges but this is ridiculously simplistic. If someone murders my best friend, and follows it up with, “well, what’s done is done” am I supposed to just shrug and say “Yeah, you’re right. Nothing I can do about it now?” I won’t. I won’t forget, I would make every attempt up to the line of illegality to make vengeance mine and I will mourn the loss. At that point I’d like to murder a friend of theirs and say the same. Its another over-simplistic bullshit phrase.

The only thing built in a day is something made of Lincoln Logs or Lego bricks. To point out that Rome wasn’t built in a day is basically just telling me to be patient, and I think I’ve addressed that point already.

Tomorrow is another day. That’s how days work. Again, what else would it be? Tomorrow is another turkey. Tomorrow is another car. Fuck you. I know how to read a calendar. A shitty day today is not made better by pointing out days of the week.

If everything looked better in the morning there would be no need for coffee.

People regret the things they didn’t do. No, I regret the things I did do because I already am aware of the consequences of that action. I can’t regret what I didn’t do because I have no idea if it would have turned out well. What if I had gone forward and said what I held back… which then led to a serious of very unfortunate events? Then I would have regretted what I have done. I would regret the things I didn’t do (like tell someone I loved them before they died) if I have an imaginary outcome in which things went well (they smiled, appreciated it, reciprocated feelings).


Plenty of fish in the sea. My love life is not a game of numbers or chance. I definitely don’t want seafood involved in it. The fact is that you wanted *that* fish. You set out to find a specific type of fish – bass, carp, salmon – you baited hook appropriately and set out to find that one type of fish. You sat for hours with your hook in the water. You go back day after day. Finally, you catch it and think, fantastic! Then it decides to jump out of the boat. Just because there are more fish in the sea, doesn’t mean you want them, you’ll settle for something less/different, or they want you back. If it were truly fish and not people, no worries but no one has ever used this phrase to mean actual egg-laying, fin-having, scaly underwater creatures.

And FINALLY, for my BFFs Bert aka Britt and Brooke, “it could always be worse.” Yeah, it certainly could but that does not negate the fact that was is happening right here and now sucks ass. Just because I’m not a starving orphan in Aleppo doesn’t mean I don’t have problems or that I’m not allowed to be upset. Fuck off, it’s not about the severity of the problem every time. Don’t lose your shit over a broken nail but getting fired from a job doesn’t mean you need to be okay because well, hey, you don’t have a fatal disease like cancer. Just because you get scarred from something differently than someone else, doesn’t negate the scar. AT ALL.


Enough for now. I’m doing a separate blog entirely on whether ’tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I’m going with no, it isn’t. Ignorance is bliss.

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